


Frodo and Sam's WORST nightmare. (revised)

by LeastExpected_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence - The Lord of the Rings, Character Death, M/M, Sex, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26237149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist
Summary: By gayerboy.
Relationships: Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee
Kudos: 1
Collections: Least Expected





	Frodo and Sam's WORST nightmare. (revised)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer: Tolkien is GOD! I'm just a no-good nobody trashing his great work I'm afraid!  
>  Story Notes: This is the revised version. As I said, I just assumed that Frodo and Sam got caught in the middle of the act. And carried it on from there to its most likely logical conclusion as per according to the context of the times. (Can anybody doubt that the LOTR is based on Europe in the Dark Ages?)

(Frodo is having a nightmare, turning this way and that in bed...) 

Frodo : MY Ring! The ONE Ring! It's lost forever! Oh, my precious... How can it be gone! What have I done! 

Sam : Mr. Frodo? Is something wrong? 

Frodo : My precious! My precious! 

(Sam starts shaking Frodo. Frodo opens his blue eyes. And then suddenly, he starts strangling Sam.) 

Sam : Mr. Frodo! (chokes) Please stop! It's me Sam!!! 

(Suddenly, Frodo lets Sam go and stares at his own hands.) 

Frodo : Oh, it's you Sam. I'm so sorry!!! I thought you were an Orc! I've been having another nightmare! It was so real! As real as it is now... I really have a problem. I'm afraid I'll never recover from this... I keep getting flash-backs... 

(Sam said in a cheery voice as he pulled the curtains.) 

Sam : Get up Mr. Frodo! Rise and shine! It's almost noon! I'll get your breakfast ready! 

(Frodo gets up and sits on the bed.) 

Frodo : I better get out of these wet shorts first... Better change these sheets too. They're soaking wet. 

(Frodo starts getting out of his shorts unashamedly as if it were the most natural thing in the world to do. Sam can't close his mouth.) 

Frodo : What's wrong Sam? 

Sam : I... I better go get the breakfast ready. 

(Sam turns around and starts for the door.) 

Frodo : Sam? 

(Sam turned around and faced Frodo.) 

Sam : Ur... Yes, Mr. Frodo? 

Frodo : Is something wrong? 

Sam : Nothing, Sir. 

Frodo : I'm so sorry I tried to strangle you just now. 

Sam : Oh, that's nothing. 

Frodo : Come sit by me... 

(Sam hesitated.) 

Frodo : Why? Is something wrong? Are you afraid of me? I won't try to strangle you again I promise. 

(Frodo and Sam's eyes met. Sam suddenly looked down as if he had something to hide and then looked around all over the room trying to run away from Frodo's glance. Sam realized that he had just been asked a question and answered.) 

Sam : Of course not Sir... Ur... There's nothing wrong, dear sir. 

Frodo : Then come sit by me... I just want to hold your hand. That's all. I feel so empty inside. So empty! As if I've been hollowed out... I feel... 

(And then Frodo suddenly leaned forward and started sobbing in great despair. Sam walked towards Frodo and sat beside him. He wondered if he were doing the right thing but finally managed to put his hand on Frodo's bare back. He felt the cruel scars that the Orcs of Cirith Ungol had left on Frodo's otherwise fine alabaster skin. Suddenly, Frodo stopped crying and held Sam's hand tightly as if he were holding on to it for his dear life. Frodo's beautiful blue eyes were filled with tears.) 

Frodo : Tell me again about that time in Cirith Ungol. After you had made up your mind that I was already dead. Why did you risk everything just to take my dead body from the Orcs? Why didn't you just leave me then? It'd have been better that way... 

Sam : Oh no! Mr. Frodo! That just wouldn't be right! I just couldn't leave your body to the Orcs Mr. Frodo. It's as simple as that! How can I leave you behind to those Orcs? I wouldn't be your Samwise Gamgee if I did! 

Frodo : But you thought I was dead! How could you risk the mission, the Shire, if not the whole world! Just for my dead body? 

Sam : You're right Mr. Frodo. I guess it was a pretty stupid thing to do! They made a big mistake I guess... Letting stupid Samwise Gamgee join the Fellowship and all. 

Frodo : Come now Sam... I know you're not even half as stupid as you pretend to be. Tell me Sam... What was the real reason? I've guessed the answer already. I only need you to confirm what I already know. 

(Sam took his eyes away from Frodo's and stared at the floor in front of him.) 

Sam : I... I shouldn't... I can't tell you. It's just not right. I... I better go. 

(Sam tried to sit up but Frodo wouldn't let him go.) 

Frodo : Tell me Sam. I need to hear you say it. 

(Sam met Frodo's blue eyes again. Those irresistable blue eyes of his! He felt as if he was being hallucinated by those beautiful blue eyes. He felt as if he were naked. As if his innermost thoughts were laid bare to him. He suddenly felt weak in the knees.. And sat down.) 

Sam : <sigh!> Well, if you really do need to know, Mr. Frodo, I did because I love you. More than anything in the world. You're more important to me than the Shire, the whole world! There's nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for you! There, I said it... 

(Frodo hugged Sam tightly.) 

Frodo : Oh, Sam... My dear Sam... 

(Sam hugged Frodo too. He breathed in and sensed Frodo's fragrant scent swimming inside of his head and suddenly he just couldn't help himself anymore, and let go of himself! He kissed Frodo on the lips. He didn't know what it'd be like at first. He had kissed Rosie before. But this was different. He felt so much more. Sam was almost shocked when he realized Frodo thrusting his tongue eagerly inside him. They french kissed each other passionately. Sam hoped that this moment would last forever. Heavens, it just felt too good to be true. Sam felt Frodo unbuttoning his shirt. Sam pulled down his own trousers. Before long, they were naked on the bed together, enjoying the quiet pleasing sensation emanating from the skin as they touched and held each other.) 

Frodo : How do you feel Sam? Tell me. I want to know. 

Sam : How can I possibly describe it to you Mr. Frodo. All this is just too much for me. I can't even begin to explain... 

(Frodo reached down and started rubbed Sam's penis. To Frodo's surprise, it was surprisingly big. He could hardly get his hands around it. He started stroking it. And then he got up and started sucking it. Sam almost lost consciousness! He never felt like this when Rosie was doing it to him! At least not this intense! And then a thought crossed Sam's mind and he blurted out...) 

Sam : Mr. Frodo! You've done this before haven't you?!? 

(Frodo stopped sucking Sam's penis and then said) 

Frodo : No, Sam. I've never done this with anyone before. But I've read some Elvish books when I was at Rivendell. They have things on it that we hobbits wouldn't even dream about, Sam... I was embarassed when I read them the first time. But they were too interesting for me to stay away from. Why did you ask Sam? Are you jealous of anyone that I might have had sex with? You are jealous aren't you dear Sam? 

(Frodo started tickling Sam. Sam burst out laughing...) 

Sam : No, of course not Mr. Frodo. How can I be jealous? I'm just your humble servant as it is! 

Frodo : Oh, dear Sam... 

(They hugged and kissed each other passionately...) 

Frodo : Sam? 

Sam : Yes? 

Frodo : Come inside me. 

Sam : No! Of course not! How can I? 

Frodo : It's what you've always wanted isn't it? 

Sam : It wouldn't be right! Even what we're doing right now isn't right! 

Frodo : Don't you want me Sam? Take me Sam! Can't you see? I'm giving myself to you. I want you to take me. Take me before I change my mind Sam... 

Sam : No, of course not Mr. Frodo! 

(Frodo lay on his belly and put some pillows under him.) 

Frodo : Do it to me like you do to Rosie, Sam. Before I change my mind! 

Sam : I... I just can't, Mr. Frodo. It just wouldn't be proper! 

Frodo : I know it's what you really want Sam. It's written all over your face! Come on, let's not hold back! Let's give ourselves all of it... 

Sam : I still don't want to, Mr. Frodo. Wouldn't it hurt? I don't want to hurt you Mr. Frodo. 

Frodo : Don't worry about me Sam. I'll be OK, I promise! 

(Sam got onto his knees and positioned himself above Frodo. He kissed Frodo's back. It felt tense. He put his tool on Frodo. Frodo felt a cold slippery thing on him. Sam pushed, felt warmness within, and pushed harder. Frodo started gripping the sheets, and almost screamed, but didn't let out a sound. Sam managed to get his tool fully inside Frodo. Heavens, it felt so great! He couldn't help but realize that this was so much more tighter than when he was doing it with Rosie. And it felt so much hotter too. He started stroking, harder and harder. Until he realized he couldn't hold out much longer.) 

Sam : I... I think I'm going to cum Mr. Frodo... 

Frodo : Quick, Sam! Grab hold of my penis. And stroke it as well as you can. I want to cum with you Sam... 

(Sam came inside Frodo. And when it was over, collapsed on the bed and stared at the ceiling .) 

Sam : Was it as good for you as it was for me? 

Frodo : I... I just don't know Sam... I didn't cum or even get much of an erection... Maybe it's because I hurt too much because it was the first time for me. Anyway, I just don't know Sam. How'd I know? I've never had sex with anyone before... But then again... Well... <sigh> I just don't know Sam... I think it was sort of wierd... I'm sorry Sam. This just isn't right for me... It's just not my plate of pie I guess... Maybe we should stop seeing each other when I'm alone... It'd be the death of me if anyone got curious and found out. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it Sam. That's all I wanted. 

(Suddenly Rose enters the room) 

Rose : I just came back for my purse... What the... 

Frodo and Sam : YIKES!!!!!!!!!!! 

Rose : EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!! 

(Frodo hurriedly leaves the room) 

Sam : I can explain this!!! 

Rose : I suspected this all along!!! You kept saying I was paranoid!!! Well!!! 

Sam : Nothing happened!!! 

Rose : And I thought all along that it was something wrong with me!!! 

Sam : Please, Rose... I... I love you!!! Nothing happened! Really! You got it all wrong!!! 

Rose : Don't come near me!!! Get your dirty hands off of me you monster!!! 

(Rose runs out of Bag-End weeping...) 

Sam : Oh, no... This isn't looking too good... 

<At the Hobbit "Kangaroo" court...>

Head Took : We've reviewed all the evidence... And the emotional testimony from Rosie... Before I give my verdict, I'd like to hear some final remarks... What do you have to say for yourself my dear Sam? 

Sam : <weeping> Mr. Frodo didn't want any part of it. It was all my fault. As I said before, I forcibly raped Mr. Frodo. I'm the only one that is at fault here. If anyone is to be punished, it is me. Please let Mr. Frodo go... Pleeeeease... 

(Sam breaks down sobbing...) 

Head Took : How about you Mr. Frodo? 

Frodo : <sigh> Well, what can I say? As I said before, I was in bed having a nightmare when Sam came to me. I was naked and sitting on the bed. I felt so horrible and alone. It's the horrible affect of the Ring you see? The post traumatic stress syndrome... I have so much pain inside me. I long so much for the one Ring that I know is lost forever... I needed somebody near me. Well, to make a long story short, it was my fault. I gave him the wrong idea when I asked him to come sit by me. I seduced Sam. And then one thing led to another and... <sigh> Well, anyway, whatever we did, it certainly wasn't rape! It takes two hands to make a sound. And we made a lot of sounds to be sure. Why did I do what I did? Well, I knew Sam loved me. He saved my life so many times when we were on the quest. At one time, at Cirith Ungol, he risked, or should I say abandoned, the Shire, if not the whole world, to save my dead body! I just had to make it up to him somehow. I just can't explain myself any other way. Anyway, we're both past the age of consent. And I certainly don't think we did anything wrong. Before you say anything, I want you to take into account the fact that if it hadn't been for Sam, you'd all be Orc slaves by now. Not that they would have needed slaves like us Hobbits. I bet most of you would have ended up in their dinner menu... 

Head Took : Hrrrmmmmph!!! Is that your opinion Mr. Frodo? That we should all become Orc slaves OR let Sam go?!? Are YOU threatening ME!?!? YOU are the one who is on trial here!!! Well!!! Enough said. I now give out my verdict! The accused, Mr. Frodo and Mr. Sam have been found guilty of the unspeakable crime of faggotery. They will be burnt to death in the middle of Hobbit square TOMORROW NIGHT as per according to our Hobbit customs... 

The Hobbit mob : Yeh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!! BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!**

Sam : NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! 

Frodo : How typical. I knew it was going to turn out like this, the moment they said something about a trial... 

Sam : But Mr. Frodo. I... I just can't believe this! This can't be happening!!! I feel so horrible... How can they do this!!! We saved the SHIRE! If not the whole world! Anyway, at least they should let you go! You didn't do anything wrong! It's all my fault! I'm SO SO SO sorry for what I did Master... How could I have brought this down upon you? What have I done!?!? 

(Sam breaks down into a crying mess on the floor.) 

Frodo : Don't say that Sam. We both know that really happened. We both know I was the one who started it. Don't feel too bad Sam... Don't give them that satisfaction. Stand up Sam... We all have to die some day... 

(Sam passes out...) 

<A while later, inside Hobbit Jail.>

(Sam regains consciousness..) 

Frodo : Are you OK Sam? 

Sam : Yes... But I just had the most horrible nightmare! 

Frodo : How much I wish it were just a nightmare! But this is no nightmare Sam. We're doomed... 

Sam : Where are we Mr. Frodo? 

Frodo : We're in Jail of course. 

Sam : When did they build a jail cell like this anyway? 

Frodo : During the scourging of the Shire I guess Sam... 

Sam : Is there a way out? 

(Sam started looking around.) 

Frodo : It's no use Sam. I've looked into every corner... There is no way out. 

Sam : I can't believe they're having a party outside. 

Frodo : You must forgive them. It's not very often that they get any kind of entertainment, Sam... 

Sam : <sigh!> What really hurts me is... I just can't bear the thought of you dying. It just feels so wrong. I don't care what happens to me Mr. Frodo. But not this thing to you. NEVER!!!! I just feel so horrible... I wish I were never born! 

(Sam collapses on the floor and starts weeping as if he couldn't help himself.) 

Frodo : Don't say that! For what it's worth, I don't regret it Sam. Even if you regret what happened, I don't, my dear Sam... Anyway, we did what we did... And now, whatever comes to us, it will... 

Sam : Why can't Gandalf come to save us? Doesn't he know? 

Frodo : I'm afraid not Sam... When the One Ring was destroyed, all the other Great Rings of Power all lost power. That is why Gandalf lost all his powers as well. 

Sam : Do you mean Gandalf carried one too? I didn't see him wearing any Ring? 

Frodo : Gandalf seldom wore it. But it was there. It was one of the Elven Rings. One of the Three... 

Sam : Are they really going to burn us master? I just can't believe it! 

Frodo : Me too! It really is unfair! But that is the way of the times that we live in I guess... As Gandalf said, not all those who die deserved death. 

Sam : Yes. He also said not all those who live deserve life! Curse these people! I wish we had never destroyed the One Ring. Now, I wish Sauron had gotten the Ring instead! 

Frodo : Don't even say such things Sam! For all I know, when the fire takes us, it will be slow and most painful. But we must be brave Sam. 

Sam : How about Merry and Pippin? 

Frodo : <Sigh!> If only they were here. But they've gone to Bree. I'm afraid they won't be back until it's all over, Sam... 

Sam : How about Aragorn? Why can't he save us? Can't he see what's happening through the seeing stone? 

Frodo : He seldom uses it. He has little need for it now that everything is so peaceful. I'm afraid when he does get here to help us, it'll be all too late Sam... Now that you mention it, I truly am afraid of what might happen when Aragorn finds out about all this. Understand Sam, even now when they are going to kill us in so cruel a manner, I still care very much for the Shire. Oh, dear Sam... I realize now that we didn't save the Shire after all my dear Sam. Oh dear me... 

(This time, Frodo collapsed on the floor and started weeping...) 

Sam : Mr. Frodo... Please stop crying... I can't bear to watch you cry helplessly like this... 

(Frodo and Sam held each other and wept...) 

Then there was the sound of heavy doors being unlocked. Sam tried to let go of Frodo, but Frodo said... 

Frodo : It's no use Sam. Stop trying to pretend you raped me. We might as well have each other close. We have so little time as it is... 

(A large, fat hobbit entered the jail corridor. He looked at the two with disgust and said...) 

Sheriff : You two make me sick. I always suspected something was going on between you two... Well, it serves you right what's comming to you I mean. By this time tomorrow... Heh Heh Heh... They're gathering the faggots even now! Well, here's your last supper. Good night to you two love-birds! 

(The Sheriff pushed two trays through a thin openning.) 

Sam : Go away and leave us alone!!! We already feel terrible as it is!!! 

(The Sheriff turned and left sneering.) 

<the next day, at night, in Hobbit Square>

The Hobbit mob : BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!! **BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!**

Head Took : Any last words Frodo? 

Frodo : You're making a horrendous mistake, Head Took. I urge you again. Please reconsider before you do something that cannot be undone... 

The Hobbit mob : BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!! **BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!**

Head Took : How about you Sam? 

Sam : I beg you again dear sir Head Took. Mr. Frodo didn't do anything wrong! Just kill me. And please let Mr. Frodo go! He's the victim! I raped him!!!! You don't kill the victim of rape!!! Why won't any of you believe me? 

The Hobbit mob : BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!! **BURN BURN BURN!!! BURN THE FAGGOTS!!!**

Head Took : Well, enough said! Light the fire!!! 

The Hobbit mob : Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

(A few days later, Aragorn arrives in Hobbiton with about a thousand men on horseback.) 

Head Took : How may I be of service to you oh my King! 

Aragorn : I wish to speak to Frodo. Where is he? 

Head Took : Ah! Mr. Frodo... Well, Hmmmm.... He's not here at the moment. What is it you want to talk to him about? 

Aragorn : Men! Grab hold of him! He's hiding something! 

Head Took : What is this? I didn't do nothing! 

Aragorn's men : He's wearing the mythril coat! 

Aragorn : I ask you again... Where... Is... Frodo... 

Head Took : Oh please! Mercy! Oh my King! We didn't know what we were doing! Don't kill us all! 

Aragorn : What did you do with him? 

Head Took : Mr. Frodo was a faggot! We caught him in the middle of the act with Sam. So... We did with them as according to our customs! Which is not much different from yours, is it not? 

Aragorn : No... Not Frodo... (Feels dizzy and almost falls off from his Horse.) Where is Merry and Pippin? I want to hear their version of this! Find them! 

(A moment later, they bring Merry and Pippin out of Hobbit Jail.) 

Merry : (crying hysterically) They killed them! They murdered them!!! 

Pippin : (stunned and traumatized) They killed Frodo and Sam... They burnt them alive... When we came back, it was all over... I've cried so much... I don't have any more tears left to cry out... 

Aragorn : Why were Merry and Pippin in jail? What was going to be done to them? 

Head Took : They made such a disturbance when they came back from Bree... Why, Merry even invaded my home and tried to attack me! We were going to put them in court... I suspect them to be faggots themselves you see... 

Aragorn : I see... How much I wished what I was seeing through the stone of Palantiri was not true. Where is Frodo and Sam now? Where are their remains? 

Head Took : Ur... That would be... The Hobbiton garbage dump. Where we throw away all our garbage! 

Aragorn : Men! Recover Frodo and Sam's remains. And lets leave this awful place ASAP. We're taking Merry and Pippin with us! And don't forget to take that Mythril coat off of Head Took... We'll bury it with Frodo and Sam when we get back to Minas Tirith... 

(A few years later, a group of Orcs attacked the Shire. The Head Took sent a messenger to Aragorn for help.) 

Aragorn : A messenger has come from the Shire... They're being attacked by Orcs... What should we do Merry? 

Merry : They're so backward... Maybe an invasion of Orcs might bring them to their senses... It might be good for them... 

Aragorn : My thoughts exactly! What about you Pippin? 

Pippin : I don't know sir... I really don't know. Not after what they did to poor Frodo and Sam... But one thing's for sure. Mr. Frodo would've wanted you to help the Shire still. He loved the Shire so... 

Aragorn : Oh, poor Frodo... 

(Aragorn got depressed and got drunk. Same the next day. And the day after that! So Alas, in the end, no help came, not until it was far too late. But by that time, the Orcs had sacked the Shire. And ate all the Hobbits. The End!)


End file.
